On its way to dustbin ~ one of the mats I got John for his kitchen ~ I only chose this colour because they were seriously reduced in price ~ small wonder !

The luscious fruit tart a friend brought me for my supper

Sue here and she'll come again on Wednesday morning to clean sitting room window and put up clean net curtains.   Saul came to cut my toe nails ~ such a help ~ later Barbara came and took Rosemary's birthday card to post ~ have not seen Bev again today but Barbara was going to knock on her door.   Two funny stories I heard today ~ a friend travelling to Scotland by coach  had a bit of a premonition of a break down of a coach, and lo-and-behold the coach she was meant to be transferring to had indeed boken down !   And ~ oh shit ~ I've forgotten the other one !   Going down to mix batter for pancakes for supper # suddenly feel ravenous !   Later ~ bacon and mushroom feast, followed by last of the plums I sewed on Saturday and a small pot of custard ~ that's better.

Threw out two of the ghastly mats I have all over the house ~ pink and purple striped ~ I got them for John, for the kitchen of his bleak furnished flat up on Meadowfields ~ his daughter brought them over once he'd gone into a Home, poor old darling ~ there are still a couple up in the attic ~ they are indestructible (worse luck).   Each day I aim to do one small EXTRA chore ~ clearing out a drawer, chucking out old unpublished work ~ it is making a difference already ~ ruthlessness is the important factor ~ it's too easy to inspect contents of a large plastic storage box and put everytfinding myself quite unable to dispose of any of it, putting everything back !!   I must be stronger, firmer ~ right !

Tuesday afternoon ~ Chris came and fixed the problem on the computer which he says could be an indication the the hard drive is cracking up ~ scarcely surprising as I think I bought it all those years ago when I released some of the equity on the house so it's done pretty well ~ up till then I was working on an electric typewriter ~ let me see if I can check the date ~~ here we are ~ £40,000 released in October 2004~ debt now amounts to £96,000 ~ probably a stupid thing to do but at the time I was hanging on by my finger nails ~ it was this money that enabled me to buy the computer which both John and I used constantly ~ I'm sorry that my children will have to pay back this steadily-increasing debt to AVIVA but by then the house should be worth a fair amount ~ Beverley's place next door, for instance, is on the market for £185,000 and it is no more than the traditional Whitby cottage, three floored with a room on each floor whereas mine has two rooms on each floor and as the experts tell me, is not a cottage but a gem of a modest Georgian double fronted town house ... "   Ayway, at the time I honestly had no choice ~ I seem to remember I was trying to get by on £35 a week and in serious danger of having gas and electricty cut off and the bank were washing their hands of me and insisting I sell the property.

I remember those gruesome times when if anyone made an offer, no matter how small, that would be it ~ by some miracle only two people came to view the property, one of them a retired clergy man ~ I sat by the Aga sobbing while he went round and when he'd done I begged him not to make an offer or I'd be out on the street, at which he went all pious : "The Good Lord will protect you, my girl . . . blah-blag-blah"   I wanted to shriek at him," bugger you silly old fool ~ I'm done for !"   But maybe, MAYBE . . . I'm still here ~ saved by releasing the equity ~ Praise the Lord or whoever/whatever came to my rescue ~ AVIVA acrually, AVIVA and the equity I was able to release.   Oh my stars ~ it was a nightmare !   And it was then that Mother gave me the £27,00 to clear my debt at the bank though she was not a wealthy woman and this probably amounted to most of their life savings, our parents ~ and when my siblings learned what she had done, they all turned on me like a pack of wolves, three sisters and three brothers, although they had all had successful careers and comfortable lives.   That was a frightful shock, realising how they hated and despised me for finding myself in such financial straits.   Thankfully, I seem to have been forgivenm and we are all friends again now.

Sorry to moan on ~ we all have our bad times ~ the great thing is surviving them ~ and here I am 83 and in clover !

Kate gave me these bendy beasts ~ I'm not sure what they are for but quite wacky anyway.